Haha, oh my dumb N*SYNC days...how they'll always haunt me.
I will say that since Friday I'm feeling more like myself again. There are moments where I feel a wave of nauseous anxiety hit me, but things have gotten much easier to handle. My only problem left is now I feel guilty in some way for possibly causing someone to be hurt. From having so many people advise me in what I should have said or done, it's really funny to me because in the end the only guidance I really need is the Lord's. Then again, He definitely has used plenty of people to minister to me in ways of which I'm really grateful for.
The important outcome of this whole situation was that I needed to get some things off my chest that have been really torturing me subconsciously for several months and I needed some clear answers. Both of those have been accomplished, though it was no easy task and it definitely came with a painful price.
I hate confrontation. I hate going into a situation that I know is going to be painful, but unfortunately this needed to happen, otherwise I might never have gotten my appetite back or been able to keep food down without feeling entirely sick. It's funny, though, I kinda said that my spiritual warfare was now over. I not entirely sure of that. I know Satan has many tricks up his sleeve and that my battle won't be over until the day I step into eternity. But, I honestly believe that a big part of this internal battle of mine has definitely been conquered, and not by any act of my own strength but all because of God's grace to get me through it.
So, for now, the hump of this leg's been traversed and I'm glad to have gotten over it. But I definitely got some battle wounds to go along with it. Life's definitely not without it's hard parts. I know the Lord has something better planned for me in His timing and by His standards. I just have to be patient and not let the worries or the sorrows of the past get me down. I have to live my life with no strings of sin attached, not because I'm a great person but because Jesus Christ atoned them for me at the cross.