Sunday, October 18, 2009

So much to tell and so little enthusiasm.

I've been pushed to the brink of clear desperation in the past few weeks. First it was the debilitating and mysterious pain that took me out of work for pretty much a week. Then it was the fact that I fell into I guess a mild despair when I got paid and realized that it was the smallest check I ever received; I started to get really concerned about how I could ever manage to get myself out of debt, pay for my bills, and even consider a possible health care plan. Then what pushed me to the edge was my horrific experience when I finally went to see a doctor about what was going on to make me so sick. Even though I know it was a professional environment, I still couldn't help but feel violated in the worst way possible. I'm not crying now but I was crying so much on Saturday. It really was hell. The hardest part was that although I knew God was with me giving me comfort I still couldn't shake the trauma. I couldn't shake the pain, psychological and emotional.

I know I haven't been as close to the Lord as I should be or need to be. I have to get back on track with that. I miss Him.

I hate when I'm at a loss for words. Usually writing is something that comes pretty easily to me. Not right now I guess.

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