Heart to heart

I don't ever want people to think I'm trying to be someone I'm not. I don't automatically try to transform myself for every person I meet, even though ironically my job requires me to conform to each of my clients needs. I'm not this froo froo girl who worries about if my nail breaks how it'll mess up my entire outfit, but then again I get frustrated if right after painting my nails I smudge one.

I'm not ashamed of being a girl. It's definitely not easy in the fact that we have to physically bear so many ups and downs with hormonal changes and the brunt of childbirth, but socially-wise and Biblically-wise we don't have as many responsibilities. Well, maybe I take that back; we do have responsibilities, but they might not seem as detrimentally difficult as it would be to be the spiritual leader in a household like men are called to be.

I guess my point I'm trying to make is that I'm slowly finding contentment in my Savior with my current position in life. Something I find interesting is that so many men are caught up in the moment of the present while we women tend to think far into the future, or at least we're always thinking ahead. It's frustrating to me, but then again we do live under a curse, a curse of sin that won't be ammended until Christ comes again to obliterate the enemies of God.

I'm not giving up on hope, not by the slightest bit. I know that the Lord has my future husband just waiting for me. My heart longs to love him and be loved in return, but it's just not right now. He will reveal in His timing what His will is for me and whoever should be brought into my path. In the meantime I'm going to be obedient and steadfast on Him and not let my heart be carried away by foolish fantasies. He will protect my heart as long as I keep myself close to Him.

So here I stand, 22 years living, trying hard to bring myself out of the murky depths of debt, a dutiful follower and fan of hardcore Christian music, a not-so-super-healthy healthcare professional, servant of God. I'm not a super gorgeous, extremely popular, stick-skinny, ditsy bubble gum pink perky girl. I'll never be like that and I know that whoever the Lord chooses for me will understand and love me just the way I am, faults and all.

I haven't had a perfect past, distant or recent, but I hope and pray that my future is one that is firmly founded on Christ my King. He sees me as His perfect Bride. Oh, come quickly, my Beloved!